Today I attended my 91 year old grandfather's funeral. My grandfather was a true gentleman. To hear him acknowledged as such by a wide variety of people, people his own age, people who work with people his age and people of younger generations, suggests the truth of the statement.
He was a gentleman and as I reflected on his passing I was forced to reflect on the passing of the idea of being gentleman. The ideals that I think of when I remember his life are not the ideals that I see in society around me. The little things, like opening a door for a lady and always walking on the roadside of the footpath (to get hit first by a wayward car) that reflected his understanding of his role in the world. He was far from a servant, but he did serve. He was also a gentle man. As far as I understand he swung the belt when needed (he was a man of his time), but it was a role he filled rather than a role he loved. He served his country in a time of war. He served his community and his family in times of peace.
He was an 'Aussie battler' of the real variety, rather than the A Current Affair kind. He worked on a dairy farm, when the land was cleared by hand. He drove a milk truck, when the milk crates were lifted onto the truck rather than the milk being pumped. He drove trucks and towed the caravan around Australia in a time before airconditioning, powersteering, ABS brakes and tinted windows.
I reflected today on the place of the gentleman in Australian society. Is it a quaint ideal? Does it belong to a bygone era, when men were Men and women stayed at home, cooked the dinner and did the washing? But again that isn't what I hear of my grandfather's life story. He was a man who loved the farming lifestyle. The hard work, the outdoors, the mateship. But he also loved his family, and they couldn't endure the farming life. So he moved into town and raised his family, still doing hard physical work.
I don't think the idea of the gentleman is a quaint ideal. I don't think that it belongs in a bygone era. I do see in some of my male friends a flicker of that gentlemanly spark. The virtues of hard work, service, commitment to family, simplicity, humility and dependability are ones I wish to emulate.
Here is a poem that my grandmother wrote about her husband:
Les
He stands tall among me:
Outstanding!
Because of his simplicity;
Expecting little from life
for himself
And yet
He gives freely of his skills
His time, his love
To others
Never one to blow his own trumpet
Though he has plenty to blow
his trumpet about ...
Always read for a laugh
For his ready wit he is valued
He sees in simple things
The larger picture;
Not obscured by wealth
Or the need to perform
to other's standards
He is always there when needed
He is strong, reliable, kind,
His name is Les.
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